Granted. Whilst using said q-tip, you puncture your eardrum, and become deaf.

I wish I had a nice big Porsche SUV.

Granted, but you totaled it driving out of the dealership lot.

I wish May would get here so I can get my permit and start driving.

Granted, but you get into a car accident the first day and kill someone, so you are sued for the damage to both cars and the cost of the funeral plus emotional distraught money. Your parents disown you and you end up living on the streets of Camden, NJ working as a male prostitute... And to top it all off, they took your permit away.

I wish I wasn't so bored.

Granted, You find something to do, but you break 3 bones while doing it and they never heal right.

I wish I had more money.

Granted, but in order to acquire it you had to pull a Jumper. Now Sam Jackson's outside your house with a taser gun and a knife.

I wish I could eat Samoa Cookie Ice Cream until I die.

Granted, but you die tomorrow.

I wish my biology project wasn't due tomorrow.

Granted, it was due last week, and you've already failed it by now.


I wish i could be friends with anyone I choose.

Granted, but thats just it. No girlfriends... they still want to be friends though right? Have fun.

I wish I could just go on one date with Eva Mendes... or Jessica Alba just to say that I did.

granted. but you must also date britney spears.

i wish i had better eyesight.

Granted. Hope you like your brand new hot-pink thick-framed bottle cap glasses. Paris Hilton and Weird Al Yankovic designed it themselves.

I wish I could sleep for about four more hours to make up for the incessant wakefulness I felt last night.